Jokes

• How to become a Millionaire? Be a Billionaire with bad money habits
  

• I had my credit card stolen the other day but I didn't bother to report it because the thief spent less than me.
  

• The stock market is weird. Every time one guy sells, another one buys, and they both think they're smart
  

• A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
  

• If time is money are ATM's time machines
  

• A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
  

• I am so poor I can't even pay attention.
  

• There are two rules for success: 1) Don't tell all you know.
  

• Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun.
  

• I've put something aside for a rainy day. It's an umbrella.
  

• I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
  

• Give a man a gun and he will rob a bank. Give a man a bank and he will rob everyone.
  

• Cashier: "How would you like to pay for this." Me: "Not at all."
  

• A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
  

• Twitter is my 'serious' account. My Bank account is the 'joke' one.
  

• I just want to be rich enough to threaten to cut people out of my will

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